GIVING UP “EGO”
If you’re like me, you have heard many warnings about “the ego” in your lifetime.
Your ego is your greatest enemy…
Your ego will destroy you….
Your ego is not your amigo…
You just need to get rid of/transcend/overcome/dissolve your ego…
I actually plucked these phrases from a YouTube search I did before beginning this post.
It seems the tiny three-letter word “ego” has come to symbolize everything troublesome about our human personalities - selfishness, self seeking, jealousy, greed, pride and more. If it creates difficulty in our lives, or separates us from spiritual realities, stamp it “ego” and swiftly seek ways to rid it from our lives.
Not so fast.
When we engage in the black and white quick-fix thinking of “the ego is the problem”, we miss out on so much nuance, and the true insight and compassion that comes from it.
What if instead of judging, condemning, repressing, disciplining, dissociating, and extracting the so-called ego, we got curious about it?
We might ask… What is this part of me that feels selfish? What is it afraid would happen if it stopped acting selfishly? What does it most deeply desire? (You can apply these same contemplations to the “ego” of other people you find difficult).
We’d likely find that what we’ve thought of as “the ego” is an intelligent response at some point developed in the face of an intolerable situation. This doesn’t mean that it continues to be healthy or skillful, but it does have its own reasoning which is helpful to understand.
As I said in my last blog ("Feeding Your Craving”), I’ve rarely met an ‘ego’ - an arrogant, deluded, or cruel part of myself or another - that wasn’t actually a very young and scared child underneath. Would you ever get rid of/transcend/overcome/dissolve a child because they’re acting out? (I know, I know, we all have our moments! But also realize it’s not the best solution).
Coming to see this is genuine practice in insight and compassion. We don’t stop at simple judgements and aggressive solutions. We practice the power of liberation through loving presence, insightful understanding, and skillful unburdening of these parts.
In doing so, the monolith idea of “ego” falls apart. We see there isn’t one big bad wolf to overcome. And in fact, there is nothing to get rid of in order to be free. We can be free right here and now, seeing, loving and guiding the myriad parts of us, like a healthy parent does their child. And when we do that, those children become delightful, energizing and creative forces in our lives.
So try on giving up the idea of ego, and see what you discover underneath.