Life Affirming aggression
Recently, I’ve had several opportunities to explore the powerful state of “pissed off”. I’ll spare you the details, but let me tell you, it’s had me reflect a lot on anger. And the clarifying, enlivening, life protecting quality of aggression.
You might be surprised to hear this from a Dharma Teacher. In Buddhism, anger or aggression makes just about every list of unwholesome qualities. We all know that unintegrated aggression can become a hateful rage which blows up the very things we love. So I get why there is fear, swallowing, tightness and denial of these emotions in mindfulness circles.
But when I read this week’s NYT article about rape and the immobility response by Jen Percy, I knew I had to write this. The article describes how one third of assault victims report freezing instead of fighting when attacked. This freeze response is a kind of ‘play dead’ defense mechanism evolved to protect us in the face of animal predation. Only playing dead doesn’t work as well with other humans as it does with bears.
Even so, it’s been found that mild stress alone can activate our freeze reactions. We lose our capacity to fight or flee, to say no or walk away, and instead succumb to acquiescing, collapsing, pleasing or going numb. Whether or not you’ve been physically assaulted, you’ve likely experienced this at some point in your life.
Safely feeling our natural fight response is a key part of healing and restoring our life force flow. We need aggression! It supplies energy to stop playing dead, get out of freeze, and take action for ourselves and others - in big and small ways. Liberating healthy aggression is wholesome, life affirming practice.
Traditionally in Buddhism, it is taught that the dharma needs two wings to fly - wisdom and compassion. I would add this third quality - life force - which fuels the bird so it can engage its wings and take to the skies. Without it, we have all the ideals in the world, but none of the power to act on them.
In one of my recent pissed off moments, I was gently holding a glass when it suddenly broke in two. It reminded me of this power and how when we consciously open to it we don’t have to throw glassware to show it, or swallow it only to have it cut us up inside.
In engaging with the value neutral force of aggression deliberately, we can choose to direct it in effective, enlivening ways - setting and holding clear boundaries, being direct and honest with our thoughts and desires, and moving towards or walking away as required.
I practice Somatic Experiencing to connect with and liberate healthy aggression, and the instincts, voice and desire that comes along with it. What practices connect you?