confronted by eros

This week an old friend reached out to say she was confronted by my posts about the er0t¡c. “I feel so far away from sex”, she shared. “It’s hard to imagine that anything you write is relevant to me.” Then added with a laugh, “maybe you could write a post on what to do when people feel like this!”

So here it is.

I used to have all kinds of theories about being confronted. I had a lot of insightful parts with brilliant ideas that were fun to offer out.

Those parts & their theories weren’t all wrong. I still offer them sometimes.

But when I sit down with someone what I most want to do is to open to the part of them that’s confronted, with warmth & curiosity. Because I know it will reveal exactly what’s happening for it and what it needs in order to be free.

Of course the first step is to recognize that it is “a part” that’s confronted. It’s not your essential Self. This is true of any feeling. We’re a multiplicity, not a uniformity of feeling and viewpoints.

Once you recognize that, it’s so much easier to get curious. You can notice the part and how it’s showing up inside of you.

What does it look, sound and feel like in your body?

What beliefs is it holding about the er0t¡c?

What is it protecting you from?

What does it fear will happen if it stops protecting you in this way?

Of course, you can use this kind of inquiry with any big/reactive feeling that shows up around six & intimacy.

Your agenda is not to get rid of the part, but to get to know on its own terms, and help liberate it from from any fear. Then you can move from true insight & desire.

I’ve never met a part that wanted to hold onto its defensive mechanisms once it knew there were other ways to be safe. And that’s how “confronted” can melt into “connected”.