We Have More Intimacy Than We Realize
A week ago I was reading my “tinder bedtime story” when I came across the profile of a man I’d connected with on a different dating site many months ago. We’d texted some, but never connected in person and somehow lost touch. Seeing his picture reminded me of all those “almost” connections that don’t happen in person but still exist beneath the surface. I didn’t swipe on his profile; I trusted that our meeting had had its time.
Fast forward about three days, and i’m sitting on my sofa when my phone pings and it’s him “Hey Justine! How’ve you been?”. Wow. “What had you think to text me?”, I ask. “Just thought about it, did it”, he replied. I told him I had just looked through his tinder pics a few days before. He had no idea. But as he said so rightly, “maybe it was the energy you put out when thinking of me that had me write you.”
It’s a little example of something I know deeply to be true. We are much more connected than we think - affecting and being affected without knowing it. And in that, so much more intimacy is happening at any given moment than we recognize.
This weekend I went on a date with someone I’ve seen a few times. Over our conversations he’s mentioned his ex and alluded that she’s a successful recording artist. I hadn’t asked who she was before, but this time when she came up I finally did. Of course that evening, I went home and looked her up. Yes, I had 10 minutes of massive comparison. Let’s be honest - she’s hot and very talented. But the next day I took a long walk and listened to her recent album, which was full of songs about their break up. I realized how much intimacy was inside of this act. Connecting to this woman’s experience through her music. And getting to know a part of this man through hearing her words about him. I could have been jealous, I could have gotten lost in all the possible projections, but I didn’t - because that intimacy was so compelling.
Invisible lines of connection run all round. When we’re chasing after the surface manifestations, we often miss them. Yet, to drop below and recognize the beauty of what’s already there is some kind of magic.