Turning on the electricity

Here I am happy as a clam right after finishing today's coaching circle. 2 hours before, I did not feel this way. This morning I was SO uncomfortable. Tight pressure in my chest, hands shaky, a hot electricity pressing into my limbs. Brushing my teeth, my mind was spinning with doubt. WTF was I doing? But as soon I dropped into my body, relaxed and opened, I realized how good, how thick with aliveness, it felt. And I remembered the degree to which opening to the erotic, opening to life, requires us to get intimate with discomfort. We’re so deeply conditioned to check out, numb out, or smooth out that sensation. Or to believe that it means "something is wrong”. When really it’s the feeling of more life flowing through us. The days I forget to open, it simply fuels the doubt thoughts in my mind, because It has to go somewhere. But this morning, I gratefully remembered that turning on the electricity can feel damn uncomfortable, and that is a good thing as long as i don’t try to squish it down. Open, open, open. Hot, shaky and vulnerable. It’s the way I choose to go.