The Practice of Desire
Contemplating desire takes me in so many directions, I don’t even know where to begin. So this will be one of several parts, an ongoing exploration really. But the question has come up in so many conversations these past weeks, I’ve had to sit and look at it directly and put some words to it. What is the place of desire?
The more I watch its workings both in myself and the friends and clients around me, the more I know that at its deepest source desire is undoubtedly a guide. It’s the pull that draws us into life, that puts us in contact with others, with experience, with creation and expression. And ultimately it's motivated by the fulfillment of our deepest longings - for things like meaning, connection, justice and power. And just like in OM (orgasmic meditation), if we’re willing to keep our finger on the pulse of it - not distracted by formulas or contracted goals - it will undeniably open us to a flow of electricity, intimacy, and truth.
The practice, of course, is keeping our finger on the pulse of it. Because those formulas and contracted goals are so compelling. “If i just got that man… if I just follow this script... if i just get these things, the pain will disappear… i will be good... I will be gratified.” And as we’re scrambling after those objects (people, places and things), we lose track of the deeper work.
As i once heard it described, it’s like taking a trail of crumbs and trying to squish them together to make a cake. Let’s face it, as tasty as crumbs can be, they do not make a cake. In this analogy, the cake is to be so undeterred in our loyalty to the underlying pulse that nothing matters more than following it to its ultimate outcome. Nothing feels better, more fulfilling or more true than following it. It can lead us through places that are messy, uncomfortable, out of control and destabilizing of our identities. We go because we’re surrendered to something deeper than surface gratification. We’re rewarded by the realization of those things I mentioned - meaning, connection, justice, power, electricity, intimacy, truth.
Simultaneously desire teaches us to listen and see at the most nuanced level, to act in alignment, and to stay alert, receptive and exquisitely responsive as we move through the world. To enjoy all the “objects” along the way, to experience and learn from them, to allow them to draw us forward, but not convince ourselves that they are something they’re not or that they’ll give us something they can’t. We know this all in the most visceral way through OM. But it’s the ultimate practice to keep our finger on the spot of life each day in every day - definitely my biggest teacher.