ignition vs fulfillment

When the messages pinged on my phone, an electrifying wave moved through my body. I wasn’t expecting to hear from this man I’d crossed paths with recently. And it felt good… hot good… thick pulsing in my body good. So I sat back and really let it in. It’s been a while since someone ignited my desire this way, and damn I’ve missed it.

Maybe you have your own version - a work possibility, a creative impulse, some promising words that came unexpected and awoke your desire.

Over the years I’ve discovered this moment of ignition is crucial. As it’s a moment we often turn towards the igniter of our desire and place all our hopes and fantasies on them. I call this Sleeping Beauty Syndrome - where after a long period without sex, love or flirtation, we get attached to the first prince who kisses us, whatever form that prince takes.

The Buddha described this kind of attachment as clinging. We experience something as pleasurable, and, without conscious awareness, we grasp after it. Soon enough, we’re clamping all our energy down around the thing that was designed to light us up.

So what does it take to stay open to ignition, without closing in on the Igniter? I’ll tell you what I did. In the proceeding days, I allowed the feeling of ignition to permeate me. It was intimate and enlivening. And I allowed that aliveness to flow through me, so those closeby could feel the pleasure of it too. It was a practice of staying with sensation, rather than rushing to climax it.

Sometimes Igniters get a bad rap when they don’t follow through on their seductions. But I thank mine. He gave me a gift of pleasure and energy which I could turn to so many good things. And because I’m not clinging to him being the fulfiller of my desire, I stay open to infinite sources of possible fulfillment. Nature is generous.