do you overeat?

I’ve been talking with a lot of my students and clients about hunger recently. And the ability to discern the satiating amount of food, sex, work, intimacy, or really any experience. 

It all started with old friends marking their 25th wedding anniversary. They planned big celebrations - parties with family, shopping excursions, special trips away together. Only, half way through these festivities, they started to feel agitated. Then they started to fight. Logistical issues popped up left, right and center. Soon enough, they were resenting the whole idea of their anniversary (and even being married to each other). 

To me, every difficulty they shared was symptomatic of fullness. Just like when we eat a delicious meal, reach satiation, and keep going because we believe we have to clear the plate. Maybe it’s because our mother taught us to, or we’re not listening to our bodies’ signals, or we said we wanted it and don’t want to appear ungrateful, or people are counting on us, or we’re paying for it anyways. Regardless, we keep “eating”. And when we do that we get energetically bloated. 

Maybe you’ve experienced this in sex, or conversation, or working at your computer. You start off feeling good, engaged, even turned on, but at a certain point you hear an inner call to stop or make a change. When you don’t follow it your attention wavers, connection wanes, pleasure evaporates, and irritation sets in. This might happen slowly or quickly, but soon enough you’re thinking you never want to do this thing, or see this person, again. 

The capacity to discern and express satiation is an art. It means mindfully listening to our bodies when they say “enough”, letting go of any idea of “the finishing line”, and reorienting our goal orientation to living in true connection. Upon reflecting with my friends, they realized they were full after their party, and, instead of pushing through, would have felt better canceling or postponing their trip for when they had true appetite again. 

For myself, this awareness of satiation is an ongoing practice of connection. It invites me to be intimately attuned to my sensations and inner signals. And to be trusting enough to say “that was delicious and I’m full.” Or “let’s pause here and take a moment to feel for what’s next”. While the other party might be surprised at first, upon investigation they usually see that even if they think they want more, things aren’t actually as connected, electric or satisfying as they could be with genuine appetite between us.

I invite you to try it on. Where do you overeat in life? What would it be like to acknowledge fullness, and pause to digest rather than push on?