a woman considers desire

When a woman first considers her desire….

That’s too much!

I’m not ________ enough.

What’s wrong with me?

Why can’t I be happy with what I have?

How do I know what to trust?

What if I’m insatiable?!!

I don’t really need it.

It’s not fair to others.

What if I get hurt / hurt them?

They won’t want to give it to me.

Maybe if i do _____ to earn it.

It’s fine, I’ll just do/have ____ instead.

…When a woman first considers her desire, the internal complexity she navigates is stunning. The distance between the natural impulse arising and her expression of it is most often a maze mired in fear & shame.

In 15 years of inviting women to connect with their desire, I’ve heard these fears countless times. And let’s be honest, I’ve had to work my own relationship to each.

I still remember the day 18 years ago, standing on the beach in Hawaii with my incredibly kind, attractive & attentive partner, wondering “How come I don’t want this? What’s wrong with me??”

Desire doesn’t always make sense. It’s rarely convenient or easy. It confronts who we think we are, and challenges us to step beyond our established comfort zone.

I see that day, as painful as it was, as the beginning of my erotic journey. It was the day I had to admit that there was something I longed for which I couldn’t even name, but needed to follow.