what is an erotic woman?

When I sat my early silent retreats, I got to experience one of the great phenomena of the meditation world - the Vipassana Romance.

It’s the experience of falling in love with someone from across the meditation hall. And over the days, weeks or months of a retreat, playing out the full course of a relationship with them - flirtation, dating, marriage, sometimes even divorce. (Yes, you can have a Vipassana Nemesis too!).

Of course, this all happens in your mind. With most vipassana romances, you’ve never even talked to the person before.

The moment you finally DO talk, the most amazing thing happens - you find the person you’ve been “in relationship” with doesn’t exist - that they were all a projection of your mind. Their voice, personality, even what they look like up close is completely different from what you imagined. WTF?!

It seems silly, but it’s actually a deep dharma teaching on the power of delusion and mental fabrication.

In my years of teaching mindful er0t¡c!sm, I’ve seen the same mechanism of projection at play - on women who own their er0t¡c nature.

We create so many stories of who they are & how they move in the world.

Here are a few I’ve seen:

That she’ll match the fantasies of your p0rn¡f¡ed mind - always ready to duck*, sück & swallow.

That she’s not attached to feelings, and doesn’t really care about affection, tenderness and love - for herself or others.

That she’s disconnected from God, wisdom & awareness, living in delusion and compensation.

That she’s greedy and encourages greed - her body & desire is dangerous.

That she’s a prize to catch, conquer, and control, but not really know or care for. (Poor Things showed us how that one works).

It’s true that women with *unintegrated* er0t¡c!sm have to work through some of these dynamics.

But mostly these ideas are the projection of our mind when we’re disconnected from our own er0t¡c nature, and thus living in a fantasy of what an er0t¡cally embodied woman is actually about.