MEETING RESISTANCE

I spent the day with Peter Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing (SE) last Sunday. It was a training for student practitioners, dedicated to demonstrations of his work with clients. SE is subtle nervous system work, and so much of what unfolds is in the smallest noticings and adjustments. There is a technique to it all, and tools you can use to facilitate healing - all of which he showed. But the most impactful moments for me were not because of those things.

I’ve been studying Somatic Experiencing, as well as Internal Family Systems, these past years because I’ve had a question. And that is how to meet “resistance”. When a student or client is stuck, when they block or turn away from their opening, what’s the best way to work with them (or for that matter, with myself when I meet my own resistance)? I’ve experienced many models - from fighting the resistance, to football coach-like pushing through, to quiet resigning of attention. None of these proved to have sustainable outcomes. In fact, the resistance most often returned later, more fierce than ever, as pain does when not truly healed. Carl Jung said it best: “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size”. True for the very resistance itself.

So when I took my seat on Sunday, I was curious. How perfect was it that one of the first therapist presenting their client’s history to Peter began with, “i’ve never had a more resistant client”. They said it more than once. “I’ve tried everything, but this client just resists!" It was clear that they were frustrated. They reminded me of myself in moments when my ideas of how a student *should* respond to teachings deterred the healing possible.

When it came time for Peter to work with the client, she was hesitant. She had questions. She wasn’t easily convinced. But each moment she pulled back or offered doubt, Peter met her with full approval. He brought an undeterred field of love and acceptance for whatever arose. It wasn’t syrupy or “extra”, it was simple. *There was complete understanding of why that resistance would be there*. And in each moment he welcomed it, it softened.

This is everything I’ve learned about resistance these past two years. Resistance wants to be loved. And when it’s fully seen, heard and accepted, it will most often put down its guard. Not instantaneously of course. We’ve spent lifetimes cultivating this protection, it might have more than a few minutes of things to express before retiring. Ultimately it needs to know that what it’s protecting no longer needs that protection; that it’s safe to come out. Safe in a field of love.

Let me say, Peter has developed a nuanced, masterful approach to nervous system regulation, but my hypothesis is that people experience such deep healing with him because of this profound approval and understanding. Without it, the most brilliant technique just doesn’t work - at least not in a truly alchemical way. And that’s what I’m most interested in.