STOP WAITING FOR OTHERS
This past weekend, I was reflecting on what I’m most grateful for this year. Believe it or not, rediscovering the joy of solo hiking is the one I want to talk more about. You see, in my 20s & early 30s I was a really adventurous young woman. I hitchhiked unaccompanied throughout Quebec, lived alone in my tent in the forests of Whitehorse, and backpacked deep in the Canadian wilderness without a cell phone. Looking back I amaze and somewhat scare myself. Maybe you feel the same way when you look back on your 20’s!
When I moved to the US, I (mostly wisely) gave those things up. I had had some edgy experiences even in Canada, and America seemed like a whole other level of risk. Plus I became occupied with other things of life. Eventually I stopped even thinking about it. No more solo adventuring for me.
Fast forward to my recent first years in LA… where my view of the mountains re-awoke something in me. Day after day I looked at them longingly. I asked friends to go hiking with me, but they weren’t as enthusiastic as I was. So for two years I mostly longed. I felt sorry for myself. It seemed the thing I once loved was no longer accessible to me. I wondered if I’d ever have people around me who loved walking in the hills as much as I did. It was a sad sad story. Cue depressing music.
One morning this year I decided to change that. I woke up and asked myself, what if I stopped waiting for others to do what I loved? What if I found my own way to do them again? Maybe there was something to this reawakened desire.
I put on my hiking shoes and headed out. At first I was a little hesitant. I texted friends throughout my walk and didn’t go far. But soon enough I saw there were lots of other solo women hikers out there, living their best lives. I wasn’t actually alone.
Now my weekly mountain meanderings are some of my favorite hours. I spend the first half letting my thoughts wander, contemplating teachings, generating creative ideas… The second half, I give my narrative mind a break and drop more fully into my body, nourishing in the pure sensations, sights and sounds of moving through nature. It’s erotic, embodied, and full of the affirming quality of a desire fulfilled.
It’s had me ask, what other desires have I been delaying on? What soul enlivening things did I at some point put aside because I got scared, hurt, intimidated… or simply occupied with life? What longs to be reawakened? How about you, reader?
I’m not looking to recreate my 20’s or take the kind of risks I did back then. I’m looking at different risks… To not delay on life’s callings. To find ways to live them confidently (and safely). To give myself the life I want here and now. There’s power there, and joy.